When I was a freshman, several of my friends were cheerleaders or dancers. I would go to their practices sometimes and help them learn their routines and choreography. Although I had just recently become completely wheelchair dependent, I still had a passion for dance and performing. One day, at a practice, the coach brought up the idea that I might consider being a mascot. I was so excited. I rushed home to ask my mom and she immediately said no. She said she worried it wouldn't be safe for me. I remember being so angry that I yelled at her and laid on my bed and cried about the injustice of it all. Later I heard my mom tell my aunt that she was worried that I would be picked on for being a mascot in a wheelchair and how kids on the other team may be extra cruel about their opposition being disabled. In hindsight, she was probably right and was protecting me.
At the time, I didn't understand. I thought that it was her saying that I wasn't good enough or she thought I would just embarrass myself. I went to school the next day and complained to all my friends about it and they didn't understand either and said my mom was being ridiculous. I was telling them how I knew all the cheers better than a few of the girls on the cheer squad. It didn't make sense! I felt like mom just wanted me to stick to being a good student and not have any fun. But then a teacher overheard us and shared a quote that has always stuck with me: "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
For some reason, that statement struck me profoundly. I realized that just because I couldn't do the same things that all my friends were doing, it didn't diminish my worth or my ability to do other things. I dropped the plea to become a mascot and focused on other things that I COULD obtain and improve upon. By the end of high school I was editor of the newspaper, helped with the yearbook, and even landed a lead role in our school's musical. I was a fish that finally embraced it's ability to swim, rather than the inability to climb.
In this example, comparison hurt me in a way that made me feel like I wasn't good enough. But there is another type of comparison that can hurt in a different way. When comparison leads us to believe we are better than others. Something that I had found myself doing a couple of times on my spiritual journey is to compare my spirituality to another person. I have actually had to go to reconciliation to deal with judging someone for viewing someone as not as "dedicated" as I was. For example, maybe someone wasn't seeing eye-to-eye with my on something spiritual, so I would come up with a list of things that they did wrong that I certainly wasn't doing. I knew as I was doing it that this wasn't just gently worrying about someone for their sake, this was me trying to feel more justified in myself and where I stood. This was a sinful outlook. Then a few nights ago I prayed about these feelings and opened the Bible and began reading from Galatians. I found this passage:
"Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load." (Galatians 6:1-5)
When I read this I immediately felt like God was telling me that I really needed to check myself. I really needed to stop deceiving myself and comparing my actions to what others are doing. My load is my own to carry, and their load is theirs. We can offer to help each other, but we shouldn't look at someone else's load and think "well, they are only carrying a little, so they should be able to move along faster than that!" While we are often tempted to judge, we must also remember,
"How can you say to your brother, `Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:4-5)
We must remember to remain humble and know that we have much to learn and much to improve upon. While we can offer help for others, we should never compare their faults with ours. We must make sure we are doing what we can do to be the best that we can be.
My prayer for today:
Dear Lord Jesus, you are full of grace and endless mercy. You carried the weight of all of our sins during Your Passion. You love us all, not in comparison to one another, but because we are Yours. I thank You without end for You compassion for me in my weakness, even when I fail to be as compassionate as You. I ask that you guide me to be less prideful and to remind me that I always have more to work on and improve to be the best I can be, not to be better than anyone else, but to share in love with You and all of my brothers and sisters. Amen.
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